The News

This just in: I hate reading the news. It either leaves me depressed, pissed off, or in awe of how stupid people are.
Which, coincidentally, is also how going on BBM can sometime make me feel.
Christ, why do I keep some people around?
Seriously though: thirteen rapes in the region in the past few weeks? Goderich? Jack Layton? "Scientists" spouting unfounded claims about aliens? Libya? Somalia?
I'd like to get a ticket for the next flight off of Earth please.
Steph

New Computer!

Those of you who know me personally know how exciting this news is. After a summer of almost no recreational time spent on the computer due to the crappy condition of my ex-beloved laptop, and a year and a bit of putting up with it through school (probably missing many an "i", "d", or "," in my projects) I have now purchased myself a brand new (that's right, I didn't cheap out this time) Fujitsu Lifebook. I must say Algernon (that's his name) is beautiful. He, too, has his quirks, for instance, the @ key is where the " key normally is... you tell me how that happens.... But for the most part, I am happy. I enjoy being on the computer again. I can type without going back and having to add letters that my keyboard decided not to type. I have storage space for my files. I can plug it in. All these things say a lot about my lowered computer standards, but I hope that I have heightened my standards with Algernon. I get this feeling you will see a lot more of me now. Hurrah! :)
Steph

Norway and Faith

It is a sad day for Norway, and indeed, humanity. I've been trying to think about this, without getting myself too down. I have been trying to make sense of what this means. Obviously, I can't.
The only thought I keep coming back to is that this puts us ALL on equal footing. There is no country, no community that is free from the possibility of bad things happening. Widely considered one of the safest countries, Norway also experiences extreme tragedy. Hate is powerful, and exists in every corner of our world. While this is an extremely depressing thing to realise, I also find a hope within this. We are all the same. We are all capable of extreme evil and destruction--from Al Qaeda to the Columbine shooters to this man, to me and you. But so many people get through day to day life as upstanding citizens, overcoming this extreme capacity for destruction. So many people strive to be better. And while it is sad to see someone fall through the cracks and succumb to the dark corners of their minds, these moments remind me that we have something to be thankful for--that the majority of the world goes on day to day without a shooting, or a rape, or harming another. I don't think that this is the time to be thankful, of course. That would, and does negate the feelings of those in mourning for the tragedy that has taken place. But I do hope that once some of the shock wears off, that we can realise that humanity hasn't completely gone to shit. We have shitty moments. We have aweful tragedy. But in each of these, there is someone showing the strength and courage to stand up and do the hard thing, the non-intuitive thing. In each of these, there are those who choose to love. We are broken, and beautiful.
Humanity is still something to have faith in.

For further reading, I really appreciated these:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2011/07/your-take-trying-to-understand-tragedy-in-oslo.html
http://www.oysteinrunde.no/#post18

Things and Stuff.

I pay too much attention to my boyfriend. And not enough to you, oh (not very many) readers.
This makes me a jerk.
So now that Boy (this is how I will refer to the boyfriend, not wanting to use his name, being partially anonymous here and all) is ignoring me for video games, I will write to you about things and stuff.

I did, in fact, go to Pride, and I promised to write about that. But I don't feel like it right now.
I also need to reflect on why my blog is called what it is called. (Boy, being Catholic was getting hopeful that I had converted...) But I don't feel like that either.
I saw Harry Potter, but I don't want to emotionally reflect on the end of my childhood.
These things all take energy. I was hoping that by now I would have energy or an idea.
But I do not. Shit. I need an idea fast. Hang on.

"QUICK, FIRST THREE WORDS THAT COME TO MIND RANDOMLY!"
Boy's answer: "Railroad. Bridge. Yell...ow... I feel like I'm being tested."

These three words are useless to me for writing a blog post. I was really hoping there would be something for me to write about... but his reaction shows a distinct distrust in my motives.
Interesting.
At that though, I am tired. This post was really to show you that I am not dead, and to serve as a reminder to myself that there are at least 3 things I have to write about, and soon.
So, hopefully my hiatus is over.
Farewell for now.

Oh hai

I just want you all (all of my -59863 fans) to know that I am not dead.
True story.
Maybe I'll even start writing soon. Concept!

In fact, I'll be going to Toronto Pride. So I should probably write to you about that. Yes, right. I will.

Do You, British Commonwealth Take William and Kate to Be Your Lawfully Wedded Royal Couple?

We do.

What a fairy tale.

BRB, not sleeping tonight.

Torrential Rain

I got trapped in an act of God today. We ate our fair-trade, local lunches in the pavilion of Waterloo Park when the rain came out of no where. The rain didn't last long, but the wind came down hard enough that the rain soaked us anyway. I also decided to dance in it. I felt more alive than I have in at least two 4 month terms. School tried to spiritually feed me, but all I needed was the rain. It was the most adventure-filled afternoon. The world is beautiful.

Revenge is a Bitch

Today, I woke up, and my body said to me: "Hey, remember how terrible you were to me over the course of exam period? Well, this is payback." And now I feel really sick, and can't get enough sleep no matter how much I try. I hate to think about how many years I've shortened my life by stressing myself out with school....

Going to Mom's for the Weekend Gives Me the Best Material

So I'm watching TV with my mom, and a commercial comes on TV for the latest Barbie. Mom says something like "They need an archaeologist Barbie, who digs up dinosaur bones." My reply was "The need a lesbian Barbie." So mom and I started discussing Lesbian and Bi Barbie.
And then, with the power of Google, I found this:
http://www.dykedolls.com/site/index.htm
If I make an order, does anyone want in?! ;)

Quotes from C-Dot (My Mother)

So my mom and I were out driving yesterday. Here's our exchange:

Mom: "Look! Its the first shirtless man of the season! Life is good!"
Me: "He's not even that attractive!"
Mom: "That's okay, it's April! They don't have to be attractive yet."

We were then talking about this today and she explained further:

Mom: "It's like seeing your first robin. A sign of hope."

I love her.

Good Friday: Spring Cleaning for the Soul

My mother called me yesterday (Thursday... I'm writing this as if its not after midnight), to make holiday plans for the weekend. She told me she'd pick me up after the Good Friday church service. My reaction: Umm. No! I want to come! She made a joke about of course its my favourite holiday, because that's when Jesus died. While this was kind of funny, its also completely not true.
Good Friday has been my favourite holiday for years. While I enjoy the Easter season in general quite a lot (my grandma makes the best Easter meals, and Maundy Thursday has always felt super traditional and whatnot), but just about as long as I have hated Christmas, I have loved good Friday (even before the whole atheist thing).
When I was considering myself Christian, I think it was because it was a good opportunity to think of the sacrifice done by Jesus on that day and reflect on my responses to that. It was a good time to think about the strengths and weaknesses in my own life, and the places I need improvement on. This was never a self-depreciating way, but in a reflective, positive way. I gave self-reflection its space, moving on following the sombre day of introspection. I've appreciated the space, the day-off, the sombre day for this reflection for many years.

So, is it necessary to change this upon changing my religious views? Well I've gotten some shit together since my days of Christianity, I've got a long way to go. I still need my reflection time, and feel like I get less and less of that as I get higher and higher in education. While Good Friday is no longer about Jesus sacrifice and how it applies to my life, it is still about a pretty sweet story of a man who wanted to create change. It gives me the chance to reflect on the lessons I can learn from Jesus as a non-Christian, and also sets a sombre attitude for my own, somewhat unrelated, reflections about other areas of my life.
Spring is the time when I pack, and move, and clean, and break. Its classically a time of cleaning one's physical space, but what about someone's mental, emotional, spiritual space? Good Friday, for me, marks spring, reflection, and spring cleaning. Good Friday gives me a sense of spring cleaning for my soul, whether or not God comes into play for me. Screw New Years, but its Good Friday when I come up with goals, for the summer and the year, commit to change, and think about the possibilities to come. It is Good Friday that for me, provides much-needed change. I go home. I sleep. I get my marks and make goals for the next year. I think about the stupid ways I've related to people, and I learn from these things. I make promises like "more writing" or "less alcohol" and am more likely to stick to them then other times of year."
And this is the reason behind Good Friday being my favourite holiday.
Spring cleaning for the soul.

Quote 1

"I wish people cared as much about the Earth as they do about who they believe created it."
-found on facebook.

My Love-Hate Relationship with Change and Thinking Forward.

Exams are awful. I feel terrible for starting a blog and abandoning it in the name of things I hate so soon into the process. It's summer now though, so hopefully I'll be less of a horrible person for the next few months. It's also Easter weekend, and I have been saving things up for you, so hopefully I will make up for it in the next couple days.

It's the end of another term of school. People are heading off to do cool things and be places that aren't down the street any more. This has me thinking about my love-hate relationship with change.

I grew up (mostly) in one house. Nothing changed. I went to school by bus every single day, had class with the same people, and came home to a fairly easy life. 'Stability' would actually describe my childhood well. It was then that I got used to the idea of comfort and security. Change was pretty much non-existent. I grew up, learned new math and grammar, but nothing really changed in a real sense of the word.

That, of course, as anyone who knows me well would tell you, had to change. It changed when a few of my best friends were kicked onto the streets. I became interested in things like music, and friends grew apart. Not overly surprizing for the age. Not overly traumatic. But not necessarily what I was used to either.

More traumatic (though, I hesitate to use such a dramatic term) was my dad's departure to Bosnia with a peace-keeping, mine-removal group there, and, worse, his return. Not to get too far into the depressing story, I'll summarize, saying he found a very dark world there, which changed our family. As a result was the separation of my family, multiple moves from apartment to apartment, dad moving in and out. Stability became about as far the truth as I could get, and I hated this.

I took in stability from the group of people I spent time with at school. Each morning, afternoon, lunch hour, was spent with the same people in the same room of the school, to make up for the instability I found at home.

High school ended, and I moved into university residence. I had been excited for university, thinking it would offer a more stable place, but soon realized that it was not necessarily this way. Just when I got comfortable, I would be changing again--from switching classes, to switching roommates, things changed every four months for the first two years. You'd think this would be easy for me to deal with given the changes of high school, but that wasn't the case.

And now, I've lived in the same apartment (given, not the same room) for a year. I'm going back to the same job this summer as last. I sit at the same caf table every single day and get confused if it is taken. And I can't stand it.

I've noticed recently that I'm super restless. In January, I got myself a piercing in an old guy's basement. Weeks later, I chopped off my hair. Later, more piercings, and more recently changed my hair colour. None of these things have helped. I feel like I'm going stir crazy, and don't think there are many places I really want pierced left.

I don't know what's better-- when things aren't stable, I'm depressed and uneasy; when things are stable, I begin to feel restless.

Many of my closest friends are off doing amazing and wonderful things this summer. I am here, disliking the change that they have left, and disliking my own stability in job and habitat. I wonder, is this normal? I wonder, is this important to make sure I'm always pushing for the best I can squeeze out of life?

The end of term is stressing me out. I will be missing staying up late with long discussions about God or love or grammar or politics. I will miss the 15 minute walks to be with any of my friends, and the late night BBM messages. It takes time and energy to build the friendships that I have in Waterloo, and the trust I have with them. I know everyone will be back come fall, or even sooner, but I have been incredibly thankful for the friendships this year, and the rock that they have been through my time trying to make it in the real world. Trying to learn to interact from afar will be a new adjustment, one I'm not sure I want to be ready for. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could all sit around in residence without the school work? It makes me scared, yet excited for the prospect of graduation, the next part of life. With the exciting things that are happening this summer, and the stories we will share through the summer and when we all return, I wonder what we will end up doing after graduation. That said, I dread the goodbyes enough now. Hopefully this summer is good practise for me.

I can't believe I was scheduled to graduate now. I can't believe how glad I am that I'm not graduating now. I want to remember this in the coming year. I want to remember that I can, and do, see the beauty in my university experience. Its a shame it took til third year.

This was a ramble and a half, I think.
Maybe I'll be less all over the place next time.
Also, I'm thinking a few more posts in the next few days: stay tuned.

Uh oh...

Hell is going to consist of writing mundane essays for eternity.

UN?

How cool would working as a UN intern be?
Should I apply even though I only know one language?
Probably...

Nachos and Cheese are from God.

I just want to start by saying that Jager and Ginger Ale along with whole grain nachos covered in old cheddar is definitely a solution to a lot of life's problems. What a nice evening. What a nice buzz. If there is a loving God, these must be some of his gifts. Please don't proofread this post... my typing abilities are going.... shoot.

Now that that's settled, I have a few stories.
First, a light-hearted story from my mother. She called me the other night when I was halfway through my first beer after having taken a few shots (so my mind was going a bit funny, and I was getting giggly, and also paranoid like I often do) and was telling me about her plans for the next day. She mentioned she was going to get a pregnancy test done. As 21-year old who has just heard this from her mother would, I freaked out. Not cool. Once she explained that it is standard procedure and there's nothing to worry about, I calmed down a little. Later (because I study sexuality and talk about these things often) I asked why she wasn't on birth control. Her answer: "I don't think God would do that to me." .....Good answer, mom. But I'm not sure you can bet on that. God gave a baby to a 70-year old recently, for kicks. I'm pretty sure people who have lost loved ones (including me, before losing dad) have said or thought "I don't think God would do that to me" at some point or another. It was kind of a funny conversation. Anyway, if I'm complaining anytime soon that I've got a 10th sibling on the way, we all know why-- and at that point, shoot me? I don't need a baby sibling, thanks.

In other news, I'd like to share the story of the conversation that I heard recently in the cafeteria at school:
I was sitting on the other side of the caf, and I heard someone start discussing whether or not dinosaurs and people lived together. They were claiming that the Bible says they did, so it must be true. As someone who studies both dinosaurs and the Bible just to make my level of conversational value higher, I was shocked at this claim. He continued, of course, arguing that the Bible is infallible, and cited a verse in Job about a "behemoth," claiming this creature was a dinosaur as his proof. He also stated that the guy who discovered carbon dating "made it up" and other scientists go along with it because "all scientists are evolutionists" and are pushing their evolutionists fairy tales. Lets ignore how wrong this is (there are a lot of different dating techniques, and that's not how science works), and continue a few minutes into the future of the story. As he was talking, other people at the table were offering questions and skepticsm. These were pretty radical ideas to be presenting, and he really had no proof for any of the claims, and instead was preaching at them, without letting them get much in edge-wise (from my viewpoint). But, they remained skeptical, save for one or two people who seemed to agree with him. After the conversation died down, the guy in question, and one of the people agreeing with him walked past where I was sitting. I heard the following, which is the aggravating part of this story:
Preaching Guy: "See? This is why I don't normally get into these conversations. Those people already have their minds so made up about what they believe."
Needless to say, I was disgusted. He wouldn't let them get a word in-- he wouldn't let them correct his blatently false claims, or come at the situation from viewpoints different from his. He then claimed that they had their minds made up, when he was probably more guilty of such. I wanted to kick his ass, cry, or yell. Instead, I'm blogging about it, and trying to pay close attention. Where are the situations in my life when I am this blatently wrong and/or hypocritical. I hope that I may get called out on them. I hope some day someone tells this guy all about the cool things science can do, whether or not God created the way the world works. Because I think the discoveries we have made, are way cooler than what we would know if we stuck strictly to the experiences laid out for us in just one book.

UPDATE: I just heard the word behemoth used to describe a duck's penis. I think that's my new definition of the word.

Missed Connection

So I have some complaints today:

This afternoon, I was at a group meeting finishing off an assignment, with a group of people, putting up with their homophobic, anti-woman jokes. The one group member and I got into a bit of an argument regarding the church stance on gay marriage. She was convinced that its not fair to ask priests/pastors/ministers to perform a marriage for a gay couple, because their religion is against it. She likened this to asking Muslim women to take off their hijabs. I tried to explain though that this church discrimination is against the way someone is born, and therefore plain and simply wrong, but the group was convinced that homosexuality is a choice. Due to the fact that we were working on an assignment for later that afternoon, the discussion had to be dropped, but I wanted to ask them when they chose to be straight. I wanted to ask why on earth they think anyone would ever EVER choose to put themself into a marginalized group? Why would anyone choose that for themself unless its who they are? I never chose it. I realized it. Being in relationships involve choice, but who you fall for does not. It doesn't in heterosexual relationships, so why would it in homosexual relationships. This makes no sense.
I don't know what to make of this. I wish I could have argued. I wish I could fight each one of these battles. And it feels like I've failed when I miss one. Shoot.
Thoughts?

This is a First Post and FAQ Section

So um.
I don't know how to do this whole first actual post thingy.
Plus, blog posting is getting in the way of my Neopets (which I play with the most awesome Neofriend ever, imabitechoo), so maybe I'll just go back to that.
No! I must power through!
Hmm. Maybe here is a good place to introduce myself, and explain my blog's mission statement (baha) or something.

Alright, let’s go (via Biebs):
I'm a social development studies major, peace and conflict studies minor at the University of Waterloo (whom I also work for, part time). I call the colleges my home, and love the small, community atmosphere.
While the colleges are church affiliated, I am not. Well, I am, but also not. I'm a baptized member of my home congregation, but an open atheist/agnostic/post-Christian. (My term for having gone from borderline evangelical to skeptical... we'll explore this as we go.)
I'm recently out to some as bi-sexual, and would love to spend my life fighting for gay rights. Not for my sake, but for everyone else's.
I love my family, though we've had our issues, which I'm sure at some point we'll get into.
I'm intent upon one day saving the world. Or something. One day I might decide that’s really naive, but I haven’t given up yet.

So, now we’re entering the FAQ section. Except I’ve had no FAQs so I’m actually going to make up some questions and then answer them for you. You’re welcome.

Q. Why did you title your blog “Praise Where Praise is Due”?
A. Because it seemed vague enough to allow me to talk about all the things that may be on my mind. I do envision this blog being somewhat a part of my faith journey, so I like the implications of the term ‘praise’ in terms of that. I want to explore if praise is due to this God guy. I also think it will allow every day complaints or positive acclamations from daily life. Plus, its part of a lyric from the song The Fox, The Crow, and the Cookie by mewithoutYou, a band that helps me figure out where I stand with my faith or whatever. It was introduced to me by a sketchtard in a cardigan, who also so happens to be the object of my unending and passionate love (this may or may not be related to the introduction to the above-mentioned band). ...Guess who was in the room when I wrote this paragraph.....

Q. Why does your blog text look stupid?
A. Because the wifi died halfway through writing this post and I had to transfer it to Microsoft Word, which forever has a vicious vendetta against me. (Update: I think I fixed it.)

Q. You’ve mentioned Neopets a few times. What’s your favourite game?
A. Uhh. That’s a tough question. Probably either Pyramids or Destruct-O-Match. Its a toss-up.

Q. Are you going to get struck down by God for making this blog?
A. I wonder on a daily basis if God is going to strike me down. He hasn’t yet. Although, I think snow might be my punishment.

Q. What's your favourite colour?
A. Pink. Though I also really love Green, Purple, and Yellow.

Q. You mentioned your cell phone in your first post, and always seem to have it with you. Why is this?
A. Her name is Milicent. I'm kind of convinced her and I are in a relationship. We fight. We bicker. We both have attitudes, and bad days, which often clash. But at the end of the day, we love each other, and I wake up to her voice every morning.

Q. What exactly are you going to talk about on this blog?

A. I imagine I will at points discuss every day life, frustrations and celebrations from school and/or work, exciting news, etc. In addition, I'd like to use this place to explore my faith, as I do this better through writing. This will appear in many forms. I may show my poetry here, if I'm ever comfortable showing it. I will discuss family life, queer issues, and probably joke around about random things that come across my mind, or write articles just for fun, once I'm done serving on the school paper and no longer have an outlet. :)
Please note, that because this is a place of exploration for me, I may have times where I am unsure of, or change, my opinion. People do that from time to time. ;)

Q. Are you a hipster? You sound like a hipster.
A. Well, it is common knowledge that the first requirement for being a hipster is not recognizing that one is a hipster. So, if I were to say yes, then, no, I would not be a hipster. I cannot be a hipster if I recognize my hipster-like tendencies, no matter how much I pretend to love the lifestyle.

Feel free to post more questions in the comments. I'll definitely answer them.

Alright. Enough shenanigans for now. I haven't done homework all week.

Welcome!

I have finally managed to make myself a blog.
After picking a layout and a name, I am exhausted.
That might not bode well for this project as a whole.
That said, I have this baby hooked up to my cell phone, so maybe I'll update.
But alas, its bed for tonight, so you can expect me saying a real hello sometime tomorrow, oh world of the interwebs. I look forward to when we meet again.
:)